Friday, 23 January 2009


strange. been thinking about swimming in the sea at night and fall twelve years back in time through some strange wormhole. back to what seems now like a brief moment when i was in guadalupe and martinique. there's something about a foreign sky, warm weather and swimming with people you barely know. it's so lovely, feels so right and yet you are displaced because you're so far from home that it feels odd.

it's burn's supper weekend. quite a big one here since it's been 250 years since his birthday? or the day of his death. can't remember. it's trivial when you're floating in foreign waters, twelve years ago.

there is no photo tonight. the image mine, and mine alone.

Saturday, 17 January 2009


in love with a country not mine. yet missing my friends, family, my own country. i know i'm just a phone call away, there is only a plane ride between us, but it's hard. time passes and suddenly you're not keeping up with what's happening in people's lives. you miss out on how your friends feel, what their children look like, sound like, what people are doing and not doing. i have a deep sense of loss and it's not just for my parents. there is a sadness i cannot shake and it's all part of being alive. i'm not feeling sorry for me or anyone - i'm just kicking myself for not being better at living.

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

happy new year!

i'm off to a good start. was in bed before midnight on new year's eve, up for a run on new year's day, been to the gym once after that AND rock climbing. am also in the process of writing my to-do list for the year and i have a feeling it's going to be a long one. i like it. i don't intend to put stuff on it that i'm not going to do. it seems pointless.

no more pointless stuff.

it's freezing in edinburgh and people sick in every corner. i huddle up in front of the tv and think about camping.

i know. i'm mad!

Wednesday, 31 December 2008


it's the hour the rings in the new year. and not for the first time in my life i want to go to bed and sleep.

perhaps it's the quietness around me. i have time to grieve. to mourn the people and these last couple of years.

this is however the first time i'm going to listen to that urge.

good night.

see you in 2009! x

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

just say it. better.

i had a lovely quiet christmas. i've been eating the icelandic lamb that erla brought me for a week now and it was yummie. i even saved some malt and appelsín throughout the year that has accompanied said lamb and then i got nóa konfekt sent as presents. boy, i'm stuffed!

thank you for all that sent me presents. apologies for the lack of cards and presents on my part.

it's the day before the last this year. hard times but with a twist because it's been one of the most difficult years in my life. and yes, i've had cancer. yes, i've lost people very dear to me. perhaps not comparable. dunno. perhaps your most recent pain is the hardest. i feel like i've said this before somewhere. perhaps, perhaps, i am repeating myself.

that said - i wish my family and dear friends a very happy new year.

hope 2009 brings all the best to you - no matter where you are.


p.s. was going through photos and found this (above). a cute little pub in a small town/village called Killin. i spent my birthday there last year. i was on a trip with writers from uni. i just like the atmosphere. old friends savouring a pint by the open fire (that was behind me).

Sunday, 21 December 2008

vacation time

happy holidays people :)

Monday, 15 December 2008


still here and just imagined that i'd soon be getting a virtual kick-up-me-arse from my brother who worries when i don't update :) it's good when you know that people are thinking about you.

which reminds me. christmas. i'm staying in edinburgh. it'll be different; as of now i've got nothing christmassy in my flat. i think i have candlesticks somewhere - aðventukrans - but have yet to rummage through my bags of stuff to find it.

the city looks good though. lights everywhere, the german market downtown where you can buy warm gluhwein and bratwurst after falling on your face on the ice-rink. woopeee!

i might go see a movie on christmas eve. now that's different indeed!